New Plan

I have several new plans.

In a less-significant sense, my new plan is to start posting on this blog more. My past tendencies have been to only post when I am going on trips, but I would like to start posting about more of the processing that I do on a daily basis. The past few months have been an adjustment for me from thinking about this missions thing as "a thing I do" to thinking about it as "my life." I have started making decisions in light of the hope that I will be overseas sooner than later. Things that I used to think about before, during and immediately following trips overseas are becoming things that I think about in situations that are far removed from any overseas missions experiences. My entire mindset is changing and that is a process that I would like to have reflected in this blog.

So, as I said, that is the less-significant "new plan." The more significant change has to do with the fact that I am no longer planning on moving to the cities. At least not in the immediate future. Circumstances changed for me at work and it now looks as though I can best meet my goals (1. Work enough to support myself financially, 2. Be in seminary, 3. Attend Bethlehem and participate in the Nurture Program, 4. Be in a small group) by continuing to live in Rochester.

This was a hard resolution for me to come to, now that 3/4 of my house is packed up in boxes, my paperwork is all filled out and I had become fully convinced that selling my house was a necessary step that I needed to take to be obedient to what God was calling me to.

To tell the truth, not selling the house is a huge relief and a burden off my shoulders, so I'm not fighting this new direction, but it has left me with many questions.....mainly what says about my ability to discern God's voice when I was so convinced I heading in a certain direction in which I will no longer be heading.

I don't want to over-spiritualize the whole ordeal, but I do wonder if it was simply a test to see how far I am willing to go to follow where I feel led. I realize I didn't actually get to the point of selling my house, but God knows our heart and certainly knew the resolved intention I had of moving in that direction (hence the filled-out paperwork and multitude of packed-up, sealed-up boxes).

While discussing the situation with a dear friend, I was comforted by the story of Abraham and Issac - how Abraham went up the mountain fully convinced that he would sacrifice his son when he reached the top and yet, at the last minute, was released from the burden of following through having proven his obedience through his intentions and his steps in the right direction.

So, that's the new plan. No immediate move. Rather, there will be a drastic change in my schedule and rhythm of life which I am actually quite excited about.

Father, keep me faithful, grant me discernment, strengthen me for obedience and destroy my plans when I cling to them too tightly.